Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
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I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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