I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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