Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
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Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
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The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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