She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize