just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
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Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
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