i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
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So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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