Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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