Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
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So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
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If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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