New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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