Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize