Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
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I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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