I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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