No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize