Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
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Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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