I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize