Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
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She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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