we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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