I wish I could punch you in the face.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize