its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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