dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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