I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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