Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if only i could text you this smell
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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