I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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