I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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