You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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