I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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