Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize