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Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
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