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I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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