Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
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After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
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Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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