I wannas sexs uuuuu
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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