when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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