New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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