im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
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Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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