Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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