I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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