If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
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Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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