if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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