When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you inspire me to be a worse person
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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