Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize