I'm going to jail i love you
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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