She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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