I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
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I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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