Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
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It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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