Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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