Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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