i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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