why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize