I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize