mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize